The Church of Wizpigology
by Mattitude 4 Life
Summary: Mario and friends join a controversial new religion, as does Bowser, and Yoshi and Bowser Jr. allign to expose the truth about Wizpig's religion.


Just my way of saying the name of John Cena's finisher (I would just come out and say it, but I want to keep this below an M because it's harder to get people to read those; if you don't know who he is, check Wikipedia for him and you can see the name of it on there somewhere) to a certain completely idiotic religion that they made fun of on South Park recently. Along the way, I take the time to make reference to Conker's alcoholism, Diddy Kong Racing, and that Spongebob religion (trust me on this, there is such a thing),Although I can't stand the character, Yoshi stars in this. I apologize in advance, as Bowser Jr. is one of the major characters.

**THE CHURCH OF WizpigologY**

Prologue- Mario Goes All Tom Cruise

Mario walks through the streets of the city of Toad Town, coming into town to check the latest going-ons. As he reaches the bulletin board, the plumber happens to spot Diddy Kong standing next to the side of the road with a suitcase. Curious, he walks over to the chimp.

"What-a are you doing here-a, Diddy?"

The chimp turns to Mario before replying. "I'm going to go to a party that me and a bunch of my friends are throwing to celebrate one of them getting out of rehab."

"Was-a he hurt?"

"Drunk."

"Oh-a."

Diddy walks away, and as Mario is about to read the news he sees a suspicious looking Koopa just behind Merlon's house, calling him over. Curious, Mario cautiously walks out behind the house.

"So, you interested in joining Wizpigology? I think you'd fit very well."

"Wizpigology? What's that?"

"Here, have a pamphlet on it," the Koopa answers while handing him it, "It was founded by a great and powerful man named Wizpig who knew the truth behind the secrets of the world over five years ago."

"Five years-a? Wow. That's a long time-a religion that's-a just starting out now-a. Even the Church of-a Spongebob has only been-a around for three years-a."

"Trust me, this is much more legit and high-brow than that. In fact, a lot of famous people have already joined, as well as many normal citizens. Every employee of the famous video-game developer WarioWare is a Wizpigologist, as are such famous leaders as Daisy of Sarasaland and Bowser of Dark Land. We've also got many celebrities, including the popular actor Zip Toad and the pop sensation Chanterelle. Just about the only thing we don't have a lot of is ghosts, because King Boo and his followers are very outspoken against us, for whatever reason."

"Sounds-a like fun. Will there-a be snacks?"

"Sure."

"Okay, I'll-a join."

"Good. The next meeting will be tonight at the address and time listed inside the pamphlet. Be sure to bring 200 coins though; in order to keep the church running, everyone must pay 200 coins a year to be a member."

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"Wizpigology, huh? I've heard about them," muses Peach while reading Mario's pamphlet, "Hmm, this sounds appealing. Apparently, this guy Wizpig has a history of standing against drunks (yes, Conker will be a running gag)... Maybe I should give it a shot. I like the idea of learning about why we have emotions."

"Sounds like a capital idea," Toadsworth speaks up, "I vote we all go as a group. I for one love the idea of a religion based around study and the pursuit of knowledge."

"Yoshi no like this."

"Why not?" Mario asks of his dino pal.

"It just not good idea to join strange religion. Remember that time you got doggy?"

"_He's so cute!" Peach shouts out upon seeing the new dog that Mario has just brought in. After five minutes of playing with it..._

"_Okay, I'm bored with him now," Toadette says to Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Birdo, and Toadsworth._

"_Wanna go throw rocks at pinecones?" Toad asks, getting enthusiatic cheers in response from everyone else in the room._

"Yoshi hadta find a new home for 'im."

"Well, we're joining Wizpigology," Toad says to the dinosaur, "and nothing you can say will stop us."

"Yeah!" shouts all of the others in response before running out to go to the nearest Church of Wizpigology.

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"Dad, come on!" Bowser Jr. shouts to his father, "This Wizpigology thing is stupid!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you're stupid too!" Bowser yells back angrily before storming off out of the castle.

"He acts younger than me sometimes," the Koopa sighs.

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Yoshi sits in Peach's castle alone, watching old movies while waiting for everyone to get back from the church. As he sits there, he hears the doorbell ring. The dino gets up from the cushy armchair on which he is sitting and opens the door, seeing Bowser Jr. standing there, looking mad.

"What you want?" asks Yoshi, not feeling like a fight at the moment.

"I need your help. I know all of your friends have been sucked in by this Wizpigology thing, and my pop has too. You help me get that stupid church out of my life and I'll help you do the same."

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"Welcome, all of you previous followers of Wizpigology and all of you new recruits as well! I am Wizpig, and I am here to tell you the truth about how we got emotions. You see... over 10 years ago, there was an evil alien warlord named Tatanga who controlled almost half of the universe. One day, Tatanga decided that he had too many people on the planets he controlled, and hand-picked certain members of the universe to be exterminated. After being wrapped in tupperware and thrown into Mt. LavaLava, they came back as Boos. Tatanga prepared for this, and captured all of the ghosts and made them watch many hours of Barney until they were convinced of certain universal truths. After doing so, they flew down into the people of the planet and thus cause emotions."

"Wow," the entire crowd murmurs at once. Wizpig slyly smirks as the crowd begins to shower the religion with much praise.

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Remember kids, Scientology is evil and totally stupid too. To learn more, visit urlhttp/en. 


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